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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29733618">battered and wrecked</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spencer_Grey/pseuds/Spencer_Grey'>Spencer_Grey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s03e03 The Searchers, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, buck is chris' parent, its not rly a romatic buddie fic but still</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:28:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29733618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spencer_Grey/pseuds/Spencer_Grey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With more saltwater in his lungs than air, tunnel vision settles over as his eyes settle on what must be the most incredible sight he’ll ever see. Across the way, between the heavy bustle of the hospital, Eddie curls his son--a wet, exhausted but alive, fucking alive Christopher--into his arms. </p><p>--</p><p>set instantly after Eddie and Chris are reunited</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>542</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>battered and wrecked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm currently watching s3 of 911 and the tsunami episodes broke me :) and as much as I love Buck's guilt about the whole thing he needed just a moment of comfort after everything before the guilt really sets in so here's this mess I wrote at like 2am, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>With more saltwater in his lungs than air, tunnel vision settles over as his eyes settle on what must be the most incredible sight he’ll ever see. Across the way, between the heavy bustle of the hospital, Eddie curls his son--a wet, exhausted but alive, fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span> Christopher--into his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair fold into each other like the rest of the world doesn’t exist, like nothing else matters because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>doesn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even as Buck had shuffled through chest-high water, through debris and bodies and the utter destruction, he knew that none of it would matter in the end. Not when he was rewarded with this, with knowing that Chris is okay, that he didn’t lose the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie lifts his head just enough to lock eyes with Buck, the look expressing more than words ever can. Buck’s heart flutters with unending relief, his tense body finally starts to unwind his locked muscle and with that, all the fight and energy is flooded out of his system. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s by sheer luck that as he collapses the awaiting 118 catch him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least, they manage to guide him into a cot beneath him. A flurry of hands, warm and comforting and steady, roam over his body, fighting away the aching chill that’s finally beginning to catch up with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby’s saying something--Buck is at least aware of that, can at least hear the muffled voice float through the haze in his mind--and Hen and Chimney have started their inspection of his multitude of injuries. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But nothing can make Buck take his eyes off Chris and Eddie, as if he were to look away the kid would disappear under a wave of pounding water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--to scare us. Buck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks, Bobby’s face replacing his view of Eddie as he crouches before Buck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His captain’s calm exterior is betrayed by the raw concern in his eyes, his hand gripping Buck’s shoulder like he’s the one about to drift away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck sucks in a deep breath--almost laughing at how easy it is now--but can still feel the freezing water trying to force its way down his throat. It’s been hours since the initial wave and yet, it somehow feels like both seconds and years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finding that his voice is almost gone, throat torn from screaming Christopher’s name, Buck can only nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Bobby says, no more comforted by the acknowledgment. “Any pain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That forces Buck to think, to unwind the mental blockades he’d put up in order to focus on Chris and nothing more, unwilling to let </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling it more as a second hand observer, he says, “Mostly just my leg.” Which is nothing that can be fixed right now though, just a dull ache that’s been present all day. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says it because he’s supposed to, because it’s always been his response, because he doesn’t have any damn idea just </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s feeling--everything ebbing and flowing towards him like a second hand observer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathe in for me,” Hen instructs, placing a cold stethoscope against his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck knows the drill well enough to go along with any instructions given, sitting more like a rag doll between the paramedics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment to listen for any lingering water or obstructions in his lungs, she pulls back, saying with a soft smile, “Sounds good. You got lucky, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries to return the smile, though he knows it comes out more as a grimace. “Doesn’t feel that way,” he manages to croak out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to call Maddie?” Chimney asks. “Let her know you’re okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head, the slight action making his head swim. “She knows. I--I called her before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chim nods. Buck can feel both his and Hen’s gaze linger on him for a moment, unsure in a way they rarely are. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cautious, he realises, afraid of what they can do or say with him as beat up as he looks. Buck can only guess what level of hell he must look like, turning up out of nowhere bruised and bloody, saying nothing of what happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even knowing that, the thought coming to him slowly, like trudging through deep water, Buck can find the energy for an explanation--not unprompted, at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks at Bobby as he stands up, his hand remaining on Buck’s shoulder, his fingers curling deeper like the only thing holding him down, and he knows--his captain understands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon,” Bobby says, “let’s find you a proper bed. You need some rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before that,” a voice says, filling Buck with both comfort and dread, “someone wants to say something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby steps back, revealing Eddie and a near-passed out Chris still tight in his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck only barely manages to stand up unaided, his legs shaking but remaining stable. An apology rests on the tip of his tongue, a thousand ready to flood from his mouth until </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span> will be the only thing he knows how to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But any word dies as soon as Eddie passes the bundle of his kid into Buck’s hold without a word. Chris perks up as if sensing him, pulling back to look Buck in the eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Buck mutters, not knowing what he’s meant to say to the child he almost got </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chris smiles, weary and wobbly, but god fucking damn it, that smile can and always will light up the darkest nights, can outshine the stupid sun, can fill Buck with such warmth that he’s never experienced before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chris smiles and Buck can’t help but return it--like the last few hours never happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Buck finds himself saying, his voice breaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Chris asks, genuinely confused. “You saved me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears spill without Buck knowing it, streaming down his face. This kid is going to be the death of him, Buck thinks, his heart wasn’t built for this kind of love and affection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls Chris in, feeling him bury his face in the crook of Buck’s neck, wrapping all his tiny limbs around him. Buck closes his eyes, more tears dampening Chris’ already wet shirt, and, like it was made for it, he cups the back of Chris’ head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s keenly aware of all the eyes on him but he couldn’t care less because Chris is okay. He’s okay, he’s okay, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck has to repeat the mantra to himself, has to actively make sure this is real because the only thing that can outweigh his guilt is this relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holding Chris as tightly as he can without hurting him, as tightly as he did when all he could see was rising water around them, Buck doesn’t know how long they stayed like that but eventually he remembers that Eddie is waiting, that it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> kid that almost drowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Begrudgingly and missing the weight instantly, Buck passes Chris back to his father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s expecting Eddie to move on quickly, to find a doctor to get Chris checked out but Eddie lingers, hovering in Buck’s space even after collecting Chris. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without warning, Eddie pulls Buck into the tightest hug he can manage with one hand, and it comes to cup the nape of Buck’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Eddie says, though it’s muffled into Buck’s skin and he can’t for the life of him figure out what he’s done to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>thanked </span>
  </em>
  <span>for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s the entire reason Chris was in any danger, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>decided to go to the pier, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>lost Chris, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> is the reason that, even for only a few seconds, Eddie had to imagine a life without his son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Buck clings to Eddie with all he has. This entire day he’s been terrified of facing Eddie and desperately needing him as his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie pulls back first, his hand remaining where it is and his eyes flare with all the words he doesn’t know how to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he does leave, Buck has to resist the temptation to chase after him, to fall into his hold again and stay there until the remnants of the tsunami wash away with the tide. He watches them head deeper into the hospital and he can’t quite work out who he’s more jealous of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby quickly replaces Eddie, gently pulling Buck’s uncut arm around his shoulder and instantly all of Buck’s weight slumps onto him. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chimney takes his other side, watching every stumble in case it topples him over. It’s slow, every muscle aching in exhaustion, screaming for him to just pass out wherever he is but he manages to stay awake long enough to have a doctor check him over--only repeating what Hen had said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stays awake after his team has to leave--more people to rescue and all that--but not before a series of comforting touches and reassurances that they’ll be back soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stays awake until he gives into an insistent, nagging thought and he shuffles past survivor after survivor, surveying every injury and all the destruction the tsunami caused until he finds what he’s looking for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chris manages to look smaller in the hospital bed, blissfully asleep at last as Eddie holds his hand with a fierceness Buck understands perfectly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hasn’t thought about having kids much but he can only imagine it feels like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks up as Buck practically falls into the plastic chair next to him. “You should be asleep,” he comments, returning his gaze back to his kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t. Not--not without seeing…” Buck trails off, realising how out of place his attachment to this kid might seem. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Eddie only nods, a small smile spreading on his lips. “I get it. Here.” He shifts his chair closer to Buck. “Now that you’ve seen him, you can get some sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck can’t argue against the gentleness in Eddie’s tone, his eyelids suddenly impossibly heavy as the day sweeps him off his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shuffles down in his seat, leaning his head against Eddie’s shoulder. Buck’s asleep in barely a few seconds.</span>
</p>
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